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Musings & Inspiration: What is Love?

'So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.' ― Paulo Coehlo

Have you ever had a former partner resurface after years apart? Somewhat embarrassed to say, this is something that has happened to me more than a few times. I don’t say this to be arrogant, or boastful, but I’m intrigued by it. I married young, and that was a big mistake, as we still had so much growing up to do. Lesson learned. Somehow, we made it over ten years, and managed not to kill each other, but metaphorically, our dynamic was a dangerous combination of fire and ice. We had passion in every sense of the word.

Since then, I’ve had a variety of relationships, and learned from each one of them. I learned that I am worthy of real love, and a drama free existence. That said, I’ve taken to writing poetry about my past experiences, and that of others who are willing to share their experiences with me. It’s been a satisfying outlet for my imagination to create these little time capsules that I can read later and reflect on those feelings and memories.

Back to my original thought, I have had the pleasure of reconnecting with past partners, some platonically, some physically, largely because I’ve remained untethered. I've been able to revisit the past with them, talk about dreams and desires, past, present and future; and reflect and dissect what has become of us. With each reflection, I get to see how much I've grown, and matured in my wisdom. Would I make the same choices in a partner today that I did when I was younger? I doubt it. Did I learn lessons about love along the way? Absolutely! 

Honestly, I long to be deeply connected with someone, but that kind of connection is difficult to come by in the modern culture of "short attention span dating." Is it impossible to expect trust, respect, honesty, laughter, companionship, a little space, and the all important sparks? I mean, I know people who've managed to find it, young and old; perhaps I still have a few stones left unturned.

Meanwhile, I’ve been able to keep company with good friends as I await the one ideal partner that is strong enough to be with me, to enjoy the deep kind of meaningful love we both deserve. One said that the reason for my old flames resurfacing, is because I’m "so magnetic," to which I responded, “If that’s the case, why hasn’t any of them stuck around?” (pun intended). Timing, circumstance… who knows why some relationships work, and some fail. Maybe someday I’ll have it all figured out. Wish me luck!


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